On the heels of the now-completed 2019 WWE draft, superstars enlisted in “Raw”’s roster answered Vince Mcmahon’s weekly call of duty to risk their health to entertain the masses. A fresh start did not mitigate stale writing. In fact, superstars soldiered through some particularly anemic writing this week.
That said, the opening salvo was effective. Icon Ric Flair strutted to the ring to announce the final member of his team that opposes Hulk Hogan at Crown Jewel 5 p.m. on Halloween at Saudi Arabia’s King Fahd International Stadium. The announcement contained no tricks, just a treat for “Scottish Psychopath” Drew McIntyre. McIntyre lived up to his former moniker “Chosen One,” as he was selected as the last member of Flair’s team. The move is a nice vote of confidence for the visually impressive and passionate McIntyre. Despite unique presence and solid promo ability, he finds his career residing in relative obscurity as of late.
In-ring action spoke as loud as Flair’s words. Mccintyre grounded prolific aerial assailant Ricochet with relative ease. Mccintyre’s offense did not skimp on powerful highlights, clearly conveying to viewers that Mccintyre is a force to be reckoned with. Conversely, Ricochet can take the loss without bearish projections regarding his future. As long as he gets his typically ample television time and acrobatic showcases, the only thing dropping will be his countless fans’ jaws.
Alistar Black picked up where Mccintyre left off by dominating a local jobber with his own brand of physicality. Squash matches have their place with certain wrestlers/gimmicks, but the talented-yet-tiny Black will need more than these weekly tune ups to encourage fans to ride with him on his journey.
The show transitioned from broken jaws eating knuckle sandwiches to a broken heart eating rejection as he watches his estranged lover taste forbidden fruit and fine dining. The soap opera-esque love triangle between estranged couple Rusev and Lana and well-muscled homewrecker Bobby Lashley continued. As Rusev’s world turned upside down, Lana and Lashley ate at a Cleveland restaurant that Lana always wanted to go to, but Rusev wouldn’t take her. Given Lashley’s expressions and Lana’s breasts on almost full display, it’s safe to say more than lobster was on Monday night’s menu. In an attempt to satiate his appetite for Lashley’s destruction, Rusev rushed the restaurant and attacked Lashley before police apprehended him.
This segment was as low brow as Lana’s top was low cut (not that the majority of male viewers complain about the latter). Despite Rusev’s burst of physicality this time, this dated drama is circling the drain and Lashley/Lana’s lack of chemistry cannot save it without increased ingenuity from Paul Heyman/Mcmahon. Although the duo rolls in kickback money for impressive social media traffic, purists and fans with an intellect superior to rocks roll their eyes.
Andrade remained on a roll, picking up a heelish win over Sin Cara with the help of his beautiful valet Zalina again. This match was a passable homage to Lucha Libre. Seeing a cheating heel with a useful valet again in today’s environment offers a welcome alternative to most heels unwittingly trading their villainous identity for venerable crowd reactions.
Shenanigans continued with R-Truth once again losing the 24/7 title. This time, Truth ran into the Bollywood Boyz. As one distracted him with a song and slate, the other rolled up the constantly struggling champion for the win. Once a funny, highly creative highlight of the show, these 24/7 segments are in dire need of setting/scenario variability.
After the Viking Raiders beat Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder to nobody’s surprise, Rey Mysterio thanked the crowd for their undying support of him and his family after being mauled by “The Beast’ Brock Lesnar. The eternal babyface considers the WWE Universe his family as well. Heyman rebutted via satellite in his signature smug delivery, followed by Mysterio laughably trying to intensely reply before Shelton Benjamin made a rare promo appearance. Benjamin explained that, as someone who was amateur wrestling teammates with Lesnar at the University of Minnesota (where Lesnar became 2000 NCAA Heavyweight National Champion), he knows Lesnar better than anyone except Heyman.
As such, he warned Mysterio that Lesnar will avenge his UFC loss to Cain Velasquez with a definitive WWE win at Crown Jewel. Velasquez took exception, defended Benjamin’s takedown attempt and put Benjamin out in seconds with a sleeper hold. The segment was a very cheesy, generic excuse to get Velasquez more exposure to WWE fans and keep the Lesnar/Velasquez fire going. The flames are not nearly as hot as WWE loves to convey, as evidenced by steep ratings losses recently and stoic crowd responses.
Humberto Carrillo had a much hotter start to his “Raw” run, excelling in an evenly matched contest with Universal Champion Seth Rollins. Unfamiliar fans quickly learned of Carrillo’s quickness and superb body control. Rollins learned a lesson in underestimation just as rapidly, extending his hand in respect following the contest. Carrillo didn’t pick up the win, but he certainly gained the intrigue and/or adulation of many new fans.
The Street Profits finally put their money where there mouth is by collecting the winner’s purse with a win over the O.C. (Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson and A.J. Styles). Kevin Owens assisted as the Street Profits’ partner for the night. The match wasn’t very notable beyond being the Street Profits’ “Raw” debut.
Though the Fiend once again was absent, he was referenced in cheesy interrogations on Seth regarding if he really burnt the Firefly Funhouse down last week. Though the answer was yes, Bray Wyatt’s platform would not be denied. A new Firefly Funhouse will air on Friday.
Overall, “Raw” was paint-by-numbers at best and watching paint dry was preferable at worst. Those who missed the show did not miss much.
Rating: 2.5/10
