To fix an abysmal event that should’ve been retitled What the Hell in the Cell, World Wrestling Entertainment needed to perform layers of damage control more outlandish than a referee disallowing a sledgehammer smash during a no-disqualification match.
That objective failed Monday, but fans whose eyes twinkle at torment successfully achieved elation watching the opening segment. Lana and Lashley got the night off to a titalting start. Before Rusev faced “The Viper” Randy Orton, attention shifted toward a different snake. Promiscuous partners in moral crime Lana and Lashley trampled on the line crossed during last week’s makeout session. This week, the two entered Rusev’s bedroom with less innocent intentions than borrowing an alarm clock. Lana informed Rusev his time as Lana’s financial partner is also up, as she has seized his accounts. Augmenting the salacious scandal, Lana teased slipping off her top and snuggled with Lashley under covers. Rusev took out his considerable frustrations on boisterous-until-bruised bystanders Orton and Baron Corbin.
If Rusev retains his lawyer from the Wrestlemania 31 contract signing, Rusev’s financial outlook appears as bleak as his marital situation.
The premise evolved from one woman laying down to one woman staying upright. The show’s debut Last Woman Standing match pitted recurring rivals Nataliya and Lacey Evans matched again. The ladies bashed each other with trash talk and trash cans, but the biggest piece of garbage was the plodding pace. Intended for drama, the constant, excruciatingly slow ten counts for obviously insufficient offense only generated groans, as did the disproportionate offensive output that ignored psychology. Natalya powerbombing Evans through a table on the stage predictably ended this forgettable first.
The Vikings Raiders and Dolph Ziggler with Robert Roode raised the woeful workrate. Utilizing surprising athleticism rivaling many of the Oakland Raiders, the team’s ability to grind out a win would make Gruden smile. The match was laid out well with effective false finishes —seemingly a lost concept after Sunday’s main event). Roode/Ziggler unselfishly used their considerable combined experience to make the greener Vikings look convincing as a surefire threat to the tag titles soon. The somewhat throwback booking/presentation and work style of the impressive Viking Raiders is welcome in an era where countless flashy performers forgot wrestling’s goal is to entertain the masses, not Meltzer.
Though the names and numbers changed, tag action remained. The O.C. (AJ Styles, Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows) obtained a much-needed win over the Lucha House Party ( Kalisto, Lince Dorado and Gran Metalik). Though unremarkable, the action was decent, culminating in a top-rope Styles Clash that is as good visually as it is bad for Styles’ knees.
The following event was bad for the Singh Brothers career. The duo resurfaced as the Bollywood Boyz after an unnoticeably long absence. After a cheesy promo, the return was less than heroic. Aleister Black quickly disposed of the team in a handicap match. Once accompanying then-WWE champion Jinder Mahal, the closest the Bollywood Boyz will come to seeing titles again is buying replicas at Walmart. The superstore is perhaps their next employer if creative doesn’t throw the sinking Singhs a lifeline.
The next segment contained even less action. Becky Lynch and Charlotte appeared on “Miz TV.” The promos remind viewers that tension remains over who leads the female pack. Before Charlotte and Becky could settle that longstanding argument like opposed wolves, new tag champions Asuka and Kairi Sane staked their claim.Though everyone saw the resulting tag match coming, Becky getting pinned was genuinely surprising. The legitimate tag team getting the win over the chemistry-challenged stars is a welcome detour from the road WWE usually takes here.
After two generic promos more white meat than any turkey, flip fans gobbled up the “showcase” match between Apollo Crews and Ricochet. Psychology went out the window, as the two simply flaunted choreographed athleticism until Ricochet hit Recoil to win.
“Raw” saved the best in heavyweight boxing for last. Undefeated champion Tyson Fury vehemently demanded an apology for Braun Stroman’s actions on Friday. Fury only received a threatening rebuttal and fists. The locker room and security desperately tried to keep the two seething behemoths from fighting, but the effort was wasted. Though this spot came well short of Austin/Tyson’s monumental impact and wasn’t as good as Undertaker/Lesnar’s rendition of this brawl, the brawl was a somewhat fun way to conclude. With a title rematch with the remarkably powerful Deontay Wilder looming, a formal match between Stroman and Fury isn’t likely to materialize soon.
Beyond a short, carefully crafted package highlighting Sunday’s maligned main event, Bray Wyatt and Seth Rollins were noticeably absent. For the out of sight, out of mind philosophy to flourish, the two need to keep a low profile for far longer than weekly television content dictates. Unfortunately for WWE, nobody will forget the cluster anytime soon.
Despite a few bright spots, “Raw” lacked excitement and relevant events, ultimately failing to lift the product out of the shadows casted last night.
Rating: 3/10
